Letter from Josie: June 18, 2025

Dear friends:

Awhile back I wrote a letter to the Maryland families after Mother Katie and I had a long discussion about children and families at the Hyattsville Mennonite space. Little did we know at that point that our Virginia services would soon move into a similar more traditional sanctuary setting! So I’m modifying some of those suggestions here and want to let you all in—whether you have children or not—on our thinking about the inclusion of children, and also share some practical ideas for all ages to enjoy church together.

As you know, we believe it’s important to welcome children into worship and community life; and as you also know, we are trying things out in our new space, and making adjustments as needed. What a joy to “try stuff.” That’s what Liz Gray (Incarnation’s founding rector) always used to say, in a British accent (!). We have freedom to try stuff, because God has already done the most important, most essential thing for us. We are invited into God’s work—the pressure is off, and it’s a joy. 

Children at church——under a tent!

Children at church—in a cafeteria!

Because the joy of the Christian message is for ALL of us—young, old, able-bodied, differently-abled, tired, wired—we include children as well as we can. We want to give them what they need (the Gospel, space to hear from and connect with Jesus); in a “language” that they can hear and understand (i.e. in a developmentally appropriate way. Think of the story of Pentecost and everyone hearing in his or her own language!!!); and we want to “scaffold”—to use a teacher’s term—to give each person the support needed to be able to engage with the community as a whole. 

While we’re providing child-friendly stuff, though, I’d like to avoid the unintentional message that what the rest of us do at church is not for the children. If we stand on our heads and use smoke machines to entertain the children, or send them away to awesome playrooms with ball pits and cupcakes*, it might convey the idea that God needs our add-ons to be entertaining (methinks the adults doth try too much!). God does not need that. However, if we make no acknowledgment that children are part of our community, it's not welcoming and church can become stifling. (To be fair, this end of the spectrum has not been our danger zone!) We ask God for wisdom, and we “try stuff”, attempting to strike a good balance. 

Keeping the above in mind, here are the available spaces and materials we have at BHCUMC at the moment, along with some suggestions:

Sitting Together

Pews! AKA cozy prison boxes of love. BHCUMC boasts a beautiful sanctuary with pews, and I recommend that families sit together! (This is not revolutionary, but I’m saying it.) Of course it’s great if buddies would like to sit together under the watchful eye of one adult, while another’s parent is leading music for example. But it’s nice to sit together, and this is part of feeling secure, feeling part of the family. 

• Bonus: Quiet time at church together can become a nice time to snuggle up with an arm around your child. Sometimes those moments are too fleeting during the busy week.

• Young children (under 6, but really all ages) benefit from sitting close to the front so they can see what’s going on with the instruments and the altar. Before or after church you could visit the altar table, notice the colors, name the items you see . . . 

• “Further up and further in!”—in order to welcome visitors and each other, we need to scooch up to the front and into the middle. (If you have the margin and ability to do that, please do! If you don’t, it’s alright!)

  
  

"Nook": There are rocking chairs, bookshelves, and baskets with quiet stuffed animals in the back of the sanctuary, which are there so that families with young children can feel welcome and comfortable.

• In contrast to the Drew Elementary lunchroom, there’s not a lot of space for families and toddlers to spread out in the back, and we need to keep a safe clearance for others (wheelchairs, strollers, the communion line, etc.). If your family is able to sit in a pew together, please do so! Grab the materials your kids would like when you come in, and select a cozy prison box of love (ahem, pew). There are mats available on the shelves if your child likes to have a designated spot for his or her materials and is used to doing that in atrium.

• Balcony: The balcony offers a pew and a rocking chair for nursing mothers and families with infants in arms. It's not a good option for mobile children since it’s doubling as a storage area.

Nursery: Nursery care is available for children under 4, beginning at 11:30 through the Peace. Families can use this how you’d like: go straight to the nursery after Wild Wonder this summer; or begin together in the sanctuary and use nursery as an option if/when needed; or begin together if your toddler loves the music, then drop him or her off when the readings begin. (Everyone will be back in the sanctuary for communion.)

Narthex: When children or adults need a break, there’s a nice space to sit just outside the sanctuary in the narthex, and of course the courtyard and the playground are lovely. (Kids should be with a parent rather than wandering during the service.)

Noise: As always, we understand wiggles and noise. :) This sanctuary is particularly reverberant, so now is a good time to double down on practicing reverent, quiet voices—this is both considerate to others, and fitting for a sacred space.

Children at church in a gym!

Children at church—in a parking lot!

Children at a church retreat learning the ukulele!

We've Got the Joy!

We’ll continue talking about all these things and what’s working and not working. (This letter is part one of two, and has been more about the physical space. Part two will deal more with the flow of the church service.) Whatever the set-up, it’s very reasonable to help our children notice the needs of others around them, and to practice considerate behavior. Parents may need to communicate what’s expected at church, and even practice some of these things at home. The family dinner table is a natural place to start. We’ll get the hang of it!

But! We’re not just talking about these things to have good behavior or peaceful moments to ourselves (as nice as that is, and as kind as it is to give that gift to others). Being welcoming and considerate toward others is one benefit. We believe that Jesus is meeting us in particular ways on Sunday—individually, but more so together!—and it’s a Great Mystery that we meet with reverence, awe, and a deep, quiet joy that children embody better than adults when given the opportunity. Keep an eye out for the ways they show us how to become like little children in God’s Kingdom. 

love—Josie

*I'd like to formally state that I'm in favor of tres leches cake on Trinity Sunday and other treats at church! Those are not bribes, but part of joyous liturgical celebrations for adults and kids alike.